Category Archives: Church

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5 New Teachings Added

Fresh off the press… er, off the Garageband, I guess…

Five new .mp3′s have been added to the Teachings page.

1) Theology of Doubt

This is a modified and expanded-upon version of a talk I gave at Corban University last year on doubt. This time, speaking at Courtstreet Christian Church in Salem, OR, I unpack a little more about how doubt can be a GOOD thing in the life of a Christ-Follower.

2) The Carpenter: There and Back Again

Stretching the Christmas season one more week past Epiphany, I explore the story of the Holy Family fleeing to Egypt to escape Herod. And then, of course, I use that story to talk about corporate worship. Makes sense.

3) Jonah’s Prayer from the Fish

Looking at chapter two of Jonah, where he offers a prayer to God from inside the belly of the sea beast, we can learn a few things about life getting hard. Also, I take the common perception of Jonah the Prophet and casually suggest we’ve gotten it wrong. Are you convinced?

4) Illuminate the Love of Jesus

What does the “love” of Jesus look like? I explore the love the that Jesus has for US, as well as what it looks like for us to love LIKE Jesus loved. And then, how can we, as a faith community, illuminate that love to the rest of the world?

5) God in Film: The Hunger Games

This is my first attempt at a God in Film sermon (it’s a sermon series our church does every year). I love the story of The Hunger Games, and I was pumped to dig in to themes like Empire and non-violence. Check it out.

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Super Lucky, or Spirit Led?

Shattering Misconceptions

I’m about to share a secret with you.

A secret about us Worship Leaders that, once shared, might ban me from the ICOPWLWAS*

But here it goes: sometimes, when I plan worship, I have zero idea what the preacher will be talking about.

(cue the *glass shattering sound effect* as people’s conceptions about the Worship Leader are broken)

Yes, I know. It’s shocking.
Most of you probably assume that us Worship Leaders spend hours together in collaboration with the preacher to flesh out the intricacies of the sermon and decide how best to build a flow of music/scripture/prayer that builds on, or complements, or sets up, or contributes in some way to the message of the sermon.

And this collaboration session, of course, comes only after hours spent in prayer and fasting (by the worship leader) as he/she seeks direction for the upcoming worship set. Then, when the teaching pastor and the worship leader come together with their ideas for the weekend, it’s just a spiritual explosion of blossoming brilliance that pushes back against the powers of darkness and emerges victorious with a light-bending, soul-lifting, mind-blowing plan for a worship service guaranteed to convert the great Deceiver himself!

More or less, that’s generally how it goes.

However, getting back to the secret I let you in on, Continue reading →

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Louie and the Prayer (that wasn’t)

Last week it was announced that Louie Giglio would deliver the benediction prayer for the upcoming Presidential Inauguration.

The following day Thinkprogress ran a story titled, “Inaugural Benediction to be Delivered by a Pastor Who Gave Vehemently Anti-Gay Sermon.”

This set the interwebs ablaze with questions regarding whether or not Louie would still give the prayer.

Giglio, if you don’t recognize the name, was one of the founding pastors of the Passion movement (which greatly shaped my own life over a decade ago) and is now the founding and lead pastor of Passion City Church in Atlanta.

Then, two days after the announcement of Giglio’s selection, and a day after the “anti-gay sermon” stories ran amuck, Giglio informed the White House that he would “respectfully withdraw my acceptance of the President’s invitation.”

And I don’t know how I feel about it, yet.

But for now, here are 6 thoughts that come to mind as I sort through this morass.

1) Hey, that’s OUR litmus test, not yours!

Sometimes I get the feeling that some Christians in the more conservative end of the spectrum want to be able to utilize the issue of “homosexuality” as a litmus test for who’s in and who’s out, but if people on the OTHER side suggest a similar move, then all hell breaks out.

For instance, here’s some excerpts from a blog post from Albert Mohler on the Giglio situation:

The imbroglio over Louie Giglio is the clearest evidence of the new Moral McCarthyism of our sexually “tolerant” age. During the infamous McCarthy hearings, witnesses would be asked, “Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?”

In the version now to be employed by the Presidential Inaugural Committee, the question will be: “Are you now or have you ever been one who believes that homosexuality (or bisexuality, or transsexualism, etc.) is anything less than morally acceptable and worthy of celebration?”

The Presidential Inaugural Committee and the White House have now declared historic, biblical Christianity to be out of bounds, casting it off the inaugural program as an embarrassment.

By its newly articulated standard, any preacher who holds to the faith of the church for the last 2,000 years is persona non grata. By this standard, no Roman Catholic prelate or priest can participate in the ceremony. No Evangelical who holds to biblical orthodoxy is welcome. The vast majority of Christians around the world have been disinvited. Mormons, and the rabbis of Orthodox Judaism are out. Any Muslim imam who could walk freely in Cairo would be denied a place on the inaugural program. Billy Graham, who participated in at least ten presidential inaugurations is welcome no more. Rick Warren, who incited a similar controversy when he prayed at President Obama’s first inauguration, is way out of bounds. In the span of just four years, the rules are fully changed.

*cue the eye rolls*

Singling out one issue as being a sort of litmus test to determine if you’re ‘in’ or ‘out’ is infuriating. So with that said, perhaps on some level I DO see what Dr Mohler is saying, and I semi-sorta-agree (ouch! please don’t quote that…) with the principle behind his words.

Because this is precisely what happened to me. And ironically it was precisely on this issue. And even more ironically, perhaps, it was those who would stand in solidarity with Mohler who executed the same sort of litmus test.

I was fired from my pastoral job because I don’t hold to what Mohler says is “historic, biblical Christianity” on this issue. Interesting that “they” (and I use that term loosely) can use this issue to determine who is ‘in’ or ‘out,’ but if the OTHER side wants to employ similar tactics? Well, then, it’s the new Moral McCarthyism! How dare they!

Interesting.

2) I wish people on the “left” would relax a bit.

I type these next words with great caution: Might I suggest that those who are fighting for LGBT rights and equality perhaps lighten up a bit on this?

Don’t get me wrong. I totally disagree with the sermon that Giglio gave 20 years ago. He was wrong, and his words were/are very damaging to many people and they perpetuate very damaging theology. So of course the LGBT community and us straight allies would stand up and say, “that’s not okay!”

But for one, that sermon was 20 years ago. And for two, the dude is doing some pretty amazing things in this world.

Are any of us in the same place on this issue (or any issue, for that matter) as we were 20 years ago? I understand that he hasn’t necessarily come out and renounced anything, or said he thinks differently. But that’s his own prerogative and he has to calculate that carefully for himself, his ministry, his vocation, his family, etc.

I just have to believe that many of the same people who were appalled that this guy could be chosen by the President to say a prayer because of what he said 20 years ago, might not ALSO have a history where they believed radically different about homosexuality decades ago. Let’s proceed with caution any time we use someone’s own words against them when they came from two decades prior.

Furthermore, does Louie receive any good graces for the work he has done to help eradicate sex slavery? The sex slave trade is a stain on our planet, and Louie and his ministries have worked tirelessly for years to fight against it. One need not be theologically accurate in the areas of sexuality to DO good work for the Kingdom. And evidently it was primarily on this basis, because of Giglio’s amazing efforts, that inspired the President to even extend this offer.

So sure, he’s not “your kind of guy,” but relax.

3) I wish people on the “right” would relax a bit.

People from the LGBT community and other straight allies are NOT ridiculous for being opposed to Louie Giglio’s selection. The President has made some significant strides towards equality for all, and it feels a bit counter productive to enlist a guy who seems so opposed to such equality. So it’s only natural for some people and organizations to stand up and say, “hey, wait a minute… the President chose WHO?! What the… do you all KNOW what he said about gay people?! That’s not cool… and we don’t think he should’ve been chosen by the President. It communicates something different than what he has been saying.”

This is not some sort of attack on the First Amendment. Louie has not been denied his freedom of speech (for a great write up on that, see Rachel Held Evans’ blog, Four Myths about Louie Giglio’s Inauguration Prayer).

Like Rachel says in her post, if the President would have chosen, say, Bill Maher to say the benediction, chances are that many on your side would be up in arms as well. And that’s your right to do so. Just as it is Thinkprogress’ and others rights, as well.

The world is not ending, and Christianity won’t become illegal… even IF that might be the best thing to happen for us.  ;)

4) Let’s not lose sight of the OTHER people scheduled for the Inauguration

All this brouhaha over Louie seems to be at the expense of celebrating the other people scheduled to participate in the Presidential Inauguration.

Like the President’s selection of Richard Blanco to be the Inaugural Poet.
He is Latino… oh, and also openly gay.

Or what about who is scheduled to do the prayer of invocation? Myrlie Evers-Williams, 79, is the former chairwoman of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People and the founder of the Medgar Evers Institute in Jackson, Miss. She is the widow of Medgar Evers, who was murdered by a white supremacist in 1963. She’s not clergy, either, marking the first ever non-clergy to deliver the invocation.

So I kind of  feel like adding in a white, evangelical, decently conservative pastor actually created a pretty beautiful and diverse balance for this historic and sacred event. And choosing to focus so much energy on trying to get Giglio uninvited, or on crying about how Christians can’t be in the public arena anymore if they’re anti-gay, is really an adventure in missing the point.

5) I wish Louie and Obama would have stuck with their plan.

When I was fired over my theological differences, I desperately wanted my pastor to stand up to the church and say, “This is my friend, Colby. And we agree on a LOT of things, and have done some great work together these past 5 years. Recently, I’ve learned that we disagree on a few things. And although those issues we disagree on are, in my opinion, pretty significant issues, they are not cause to break fellowship over or to break Kingdom partnership over. So I invite us all to lean in to this moment and practice unity. Focus on the things that unite us, not divide us.”

Or something like that, anyways.

And I guess I feel like this could have been a really cool opportunity for something like that as well.

6) This issue isn’t going away, so we’re going to have to learn to dialogue about it.

The issue of same-sex marriage in our nation, and gays in the military, and the theological discussion of God’s feelings towards gay people are not going away any time soon.

The world is changing. The church is changing.
As I’ve written elsewhere, I think we’ll look back on these years with a sort of frustration… like, “how in the world could we have been so wrong, and what TOOK us so long!?”

But in the meantime we are going to have to learn to talk about it. And even more importantly, to listen.

This invitation-that-got-accepted-then-rejected moment is just the latest, and trust me there will be more on this issue. So let’s do our best to stop lobbing fear grenades over the wall at our opponents, and start laying down our own agendas from time to time in an effort to find peace and a way forward.

__________________

What about you?

What are YOUR thoughts on this whole thing?

Liturgy of Doubt in Salem, OR

A couple months back I put on an evening of worship and I called it “Liturgy of Doubt” (thank you, Pete Rollins, for the language).

It was an incredibly moving experience, and my wife kept saying, “you need to take this on the road… more people need to experience this!”

Well, THAT vision hasn’t quite come to fruition (yet), but I WILL be up in Salem, Oregon this weekend to put on another Liturgy of Doubt at Courtstreet Christian Church.

So, if you are anywhere near Salem this Saturday, I invite you to come on out at 6pm and join me.. join us!

Here’s a promo video I shot for their church.

A Liturgy of Doubt Promo (Jan. 19th @6pm) from Court Street on Vimeo.

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Moving Away From Cynicism

Today is Sept 27.

Exactly one year ago today is when I was fired from my job as Pastor of Worship & Arts at The Grove.

I wrote about the journey of this past year earlier last week, so check it out if you haven’t yet.

But today, as I reflect on walking in to that meeting a year ago uncertain of what was about to transpire, I can tell you that I’m still hurt.
Still jaded.
Still bothered by what happened.
And still a bit cynical about many things related to faith, church, and people.

However, I am reminded today of a talk I heard Ian Cron give at Wild Goose Festival earlier in June. In it he confessed his own journey of being fired and dealing with so many of the things I too have dealt with (and am still dealing with).

He talked about cynicism.
How cynicism has become quite the trendy posture for a lot of Christians.

It is hip and cool to be anti-stuff.

Anti-church.
Anti-Christiansthatdon’tlookthinkactlikeme
Anti-religion
Anti-anti-anti

The reality is, cynicism feels good.

It feels good to be the victim. To know that you were wronged. To know that you were partially the scapegoat for issues that went way beyond just you. To know that you were terminated for taking a stand on an issue you believe strongly in, and to not have caved to pressure or sacrificed integrity.

Anyways, I digress.

The point is, even though I’ve tried not to, I know that I’ve operated from a place of cynicism at times in this past year.

But I want to be done with that.

Ian said that the opposite of cynicism is resurrection, and I believe him. I experienced a type of death a year ago today, but when someone chooses to walk in the Way of the Christ it always leads to resurrection… eventually. And in many ways that resurrection reality is always available to us, regardless of what our external circumstances may be. So I have a choice: to keep living in cynicism, angry at the “church,” angry at theological systems that force people to make unChrist-like decisions, angry at people who I felt betrayed me… or, I can choose resurrection. I can focus on the amazing church I currently serve and the wonderful people I get to do it with. I can focus on the fact that I still believe the church is the hope of the world. I can choose to orient myself towards advocating positive theological systems, while peaceably trying to subvert the destructive ones. I can stop letting people have power over me, people who hurt me a year ago or still continue to hurt me, I can stop giving them such power.

I choose resurrection.

I choose not to criticize the church, but to try and do it better.

Like Ian said, “let the excellence of your life be your biggest form of protest.”

I like that. A lot.

Today marks the day of a new year. One where I move away from cynicism.

(For a GREAT post on this, btw, I point you to Sarah Bessey’s post called “In Which I’m Practicing.” Excerpt:

I want to practice faithfulness, and practice kindness, I want to fill my ears with the repetitions of wide-eyes and open hands, and innocent fun, holy laughter. I want to practice, with intention, joy. I won’t desecrate beauty with cynicism any more, I won’t confuse critical thinking with a critical spirit, and I will practice, painfully, over and over, patience and peace until my gentle answers turn away even my own wrath. I will check the notes, ask for help, and I’ll relax my shoulders, straighten my spine, and breathe fresh air while I learn, all over again, the gift of grace freely given and wisdom honoured, and healing, and when my fingers fumble, when I sound flat or sharp, I’ll simply try again

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A Liturgy of Doubt

Stage setup for REVAL: Doubt

Last night at REVEAL: A Night for Worship (hosted here at Missiongathering) we spent some time engaging with the idea of a Liturgy of Doubt. Inspired by this segment of a talk from Peter Rollins, wherein he posits that the church could potentially be the place for people not to come and express their belief, but come to express their doubts, we sought out to create such a space.

Here’s a bit of what took place last night in what is being called, “the best church service I’ve ever been to.” -Kate Martin (Yes, she’s my wife… so what!? ;) )

Open in Song

We kicked the night off with “All Creatures of Our God and King.” Great midtempo song. Good way to start off a more meditative/reflective night of worship. Not a ton of energy (which would be counter-productive), but not overly sleepy (which sets a difficult tone). Plus, it’s a great Call to Worship song…

All creatures of our God and King / Lift up your voice, and with us sing.

C’mon everybody, time to get yer praise on!

Call to Worship: Setting the Theme for the Night

After the opening song I took a few moments to explain what our time together was (hopefully) going to look like. I explained how we were going to look at the idea of Doubt and create a safe space to express those doubts. How Doubt is completely normal and natural for people who live by faith. You can’t have one without the other, regardless what Joel Osteen tries to say.

I also lamented about how difficult it was to find music for this particular theme. There are not many (g0od) congregational worship songs that give voice to our doubts. Part of this is possibly because we’ve been trained in the church, by the church, that to Doubt is a negative thing. It is to be avoided, and shame on you for not having faith. So why would we want or need songs that would lead us to say/sing things that aren’t empirically true, or don’t lift us up to a more secure place of trust and hope?

So I said that several songs we were singing tonight I actually changed the lyrics to, so that they would better give voice to our struggles and our doubts. And other songs, songs that may have been written to give voice to our doubts, unfortunately all tend to resolve by Verse 3 or the Bridge. So that, by time the song is over, you’ve come out of your place of Doubt and are expressing an attitude of faith and trust. But life doesn’t resolve so quickly… why then should our liturgy?

Worship through Song

We then sang “40” by U2. A great song inspired by the Psalm of lament found in chapter 40.

I’ve waited patiently for the Lord / He inclined and heard my cry // How long, to sing this song?

Prayer

Invited everyone to pause and to center themselves, and invite God to open our hearts a bit further to the reality that God is a secure Being. So secure, in fact, that God is not offended by our doubts. God does not get frustrated at us when we get frustrated at God. We need to let go of the destructive theology that views God as having low self esteem and gets all bent out of shape when we go through seasons of Doubt. And we would do well to live in to the reality that God actually might be inviting us to express our Doubts.

Worship through Song

“When the Tears Fall,” by Tim Hughes, is a really cool song. Some strong lyrics that really fit the night well, but still opting for a blend of doubt and faith. So that we cannot fully sing about our questions and our struggles and our pain without covering it on a higher plane with a bigger umbrella of trust and hope that trumps everything else. For instance, Verse 1:

I’ve had questions, without answers

I’ve known sorrow, I have known pain

Love it. But then:

But there’s one thing, that I’ll cling to

You are faithful, Jesus you’re true

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great verse. And I believe it. But the problem is that there have been times in my life where I haven’t believed it. Where I haven’t clung to Jesus as being faithful or true. My life demonstrated just the opposite. And I’ll bet YOU have been there, too. So singing this just feels disingenuous sometimes. But, other times it’s not. Other times it’s GREAT to declare our sense of trust and hope in the midst of life’s storms. I’m all for that. That doesn’t mean, though, that we aren’t also in need of songs that just give us a chance to voice our despair and doubt.

Anyways, I chose to alter the lyrics of Verse 3 so that we could at least END the song in existential despair… ha!

When confusion, is all around me

And the darkness is my closest friend

When the laughter fails to comfort

When my heart aches, Lord are you there? (the original lyrics: Lord, you are there)

Video Clips: Peter Rollins on Doubt

Then we watched two short video clips of Peter Rollins talking about Doubt. The first video he throws out the idea of God doubting God. That Jesus, while on the cross, cries out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” as a demonstration of despair and doubt. So he suggests that when we lean in to our doubts, and embrace our dark nights of the soul, that we are then standing in the very sight of Christ.

As a way to complement this, I set up three canvases on the right part of the stage. And throughout the evening I invited and artist to write the words “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” on these three canvases. First lightly in pencil, then gradually heavier and darker with a black pen, a black sharpie, and finally with black paint. So it was cool having her off on the side expressing this sentiment over and over again, getting bigger, darker and bolder.

The second video, as I mentioned above, was when Peter challenged faith communities to consider a Liturgy of Doubt.

Interactive Element

I think it’s important to provide interactive elements in our corporate worship so that it’s not all just passive/observational experiences. So I had signs printed up that were from a poem called, “An Approach to God – Losing My Religion” and posted these all around the sanctuary in groups of two. One sign would be a positive expression of faith in God. The other sign would be a negative expression, a statement of doubt.

Statement of Faith

Statement of Doubt

I also had small cards printed up and put on everyone’s chair before they got there that read “Sometimes I doubt __________________.”

So during this part of the gathering I invited people to take some time and interact with their own doubts. I invited them to get up from their chair, walk around the room, and read all seven stations. And if, while reading one of the signs, you find yourself resonating with the idea on the sign, then just sign your own name on the paper. As a way of saying, “yup, I can relate.” Then, take your card and write out three things that sometimes you doubt. It could be doubts you have now, it could be things you’ve doubted in the past, it could be things you always struggle with.

Sometimes I doubt ________

A few of the Stations of Faith/Doubt Statements

Can I just say, this part of the gathering blew me away.

I got off the stage and took part in the seven stations around the room, and it was incredibly powerful to stand there and watch people willingly and publicly sign their own names on some pretty heavy expressions of doubt.

And everybody was doing it!

Everyone was be honest and saying, “yup… I’ve had that thought before about God.” Or, “yep, I’ve doubted God in that area.” It was so powerful to be a part of this expression of both faith AND doubt on a corporate level.

Worship Through Song

The old Hymn, “Come Ye Sinners,” but without the slightly cheesy chorus that was added to the original hymn by someone else at a later time. It goes like this:

I will arise and go to Jesus / He will embrace me in his arms

And in the arms of my dear Jesus / Oh there are, 10,000 charms

What the?! Why would an armful of charms be appealing to me? Anyways… the verses to this song are golden. Especially when you go back to the original version of it and add in the few lines at the end of each verse that the “chorus” writer took off.

Scripture Reading – Psalm 44

Original Song: How Long

About 6 weeks ago I was frustrated by the lack of songs that express Doubt, so I chose to just write one. I had read Psalm 44 and was struck by how the Psalm started on a positive note (God, you’ve done all these great things for us and for our fathers…) but then takes a sharp turn at the end (But where the heck are you now? Are you sleeping? Wake up! If you really love us, then help us!”).

It’s called “How Long,” and you can hear the live performance of it here, if you’d like.
How Long (Live)

Interactive Element Cont’d

Then I invited everyone to turn their chairs and get in to groups of 3-5 people. Once in their groups, they were to go around and each share what they wrote on their “Sometimes I doubt _____________” cards. But I told them they could only read them. They could not set it up, or put it in context, or tell a bigger story. Or say, “sometimes I doubt_________, but not right now! Right now I’m good!”

Nope. Just read your doubts. Outloud. To others.

And then we put a phone number on the screens and invited people to text in some of their doubts.

Special Music

After several minutes passed, and people shared their doubts with one another, I sang the song “Silence of God,” a real gem by Andrew Peterson. Seriously, pause now and go listen to it!

During this song we put on our screens some of the doubts that had been text in.

It was a really, really cool moment.

As I’m singing this amazing song about the silence of God people are looking up and reading all these different types of Doubts. And they are discovering this: You are not alone.

You are not the only one who doubts.

You are not the only one with THIS SPECIFIC doubt.

Very cool moment.

Reading from “How (Not) to Speak of God”, by Peter Rollins

A buddy then got up and read a parable from this book. The parable imagined a small community of people who, right after Jesus was crucified, left the city and started a small faith community in a remote village. This faith community continued on and lived out the teachings and the values and principles of the Way of Christ, never knowing about any resurrection or ascension. But they viewed the Love of Jesus and the Way of Jesus as having inherent and intrinsic value that, even though it ended in death for Jesus and would end in death for them, they were committed to that way of love and peace. And then, after about 300 years, a small group of missionaries found this remote village and preached to them about the resurrection of Jesus from the dead. The community was elated and ecstatic and celebrated throughout the night, but no one could find the village elder. Finally, one of the missionaries found the elder alone at the outskirt of the village, clearly saddened. The missionary wondered why he wasn’t joining in the celebration, for Jesus is not dead but alive! The elder slowly got to his feet and looked the missionary compassionately in the face:

Each day we have forsaken our very lives for him because we judge him wholly worthy of the sacrifice, wholly worthy of our being. But now I am concerned that my children and my children’s children may follow him not because of the implicit value he has, but because of the value that he posses for them.’

I’m not sure why I chose to end the night with this parable, but it just seemed fitting.

What if, in a life full of sorrow and pain and suffering, we were not assured of any resolution from our doubts? What if all we had to look forward to was death?

Would we still follow Jesus? Would we still live in his love, and live out his love?

Is he worthy of our allegiance because of what he can do for us? Or because of who. He. Is.

Close in Song

And, though I partially didn’t want to, we closed the evening with “It is Well With My Soul.” It’s just such a great song, even though it semi-sort-of worked against the point of the evening. Ha!

It really was a phenomenal exercise in practicing a Liturgy of Doubt. Something I think the Church would do well to embrace, embody, and invite people to engage in.

Thanks to those of you who came out and went there with me. I hope you found it as meaningful as I did.

We’ll see you at the next REVEAL on Sunday night, November 4th at 7pm.

______________

p.s. I did a talk a few months back wherein I explored more about what it might look like to Lean in to Your Doubts. You can check that out here.

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One Year Ago: DADT was Repealed (oh, and I was Fired)

1 Year Anniversary of DADT Repeal

One year ago today the controversial policy known as Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was officially repealed, thus allowing openly gay servicemembers to, well, serve!

Last year when it was repealed I was thrilled. This “law” was a particularly disgusting form of discrimination that left a gross black eye on “freedom and democracy” espousing America. How our country managed to pull this off is beyond me, but even more frightening is why we pulled it off. Why would we make such a policy that asks men and women to give their lives for defending this country, and to serve with honor and integrity… but not really. Be honest, but not really. Have integrity, but only sort of. And don’t let us catch you being gay, or acting gay, or even HINTING at anything gay, or we’ll kick you out immediately.

Abhorrent.

Anyways, those days are behind us, praise God. And to absolutely no one’s surprise the Pentagon recently said that the repeal has gone smoothly with no adverse affect on morale, unit cohesion, recruitment or military readiness. All things the supporters of DADT warned us would deteriorate should we allow openly gay people to serve.

Further, here’s the conclusion from a 43 page study report called “One Year Out: An Assessment of DADT Repeal’s Impact on Military Readiness” prepared by the prestigious Palm Center, a branch of the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law:

Our conclusion, based on all of the evidence available to us, is that DADT repeal has had no overall negative impact on military readiness or its component dimensions, including cohesion, recruitment, retention, assaults, harassment or morale. Although we identified a few downsides that followed from the policy change, we identified upsides as well, and in no case did negative consequences outweigh benefits. If anything, DADT repeal appears to have enhanced the military’s ability to pursue its mission.

Again, this really doesn’t surprise anyone who doesn’t buy in to the fear mongering that can come from some of the homophobic conservative right.

I Was Asked. I Told. Then I Was Fired.

This also marks the one year anniversary of when I was fired from my previous church, The Grove, in Chandler, AZ.

In a nutshell, here’s the gist of what happened.

On Sept 20th, 2011, DADT was repealed. That night I put a link to an article on my Facebook page that announced its repealing. The article didn’t argue for or against homosexuality, it had nothing to do with any gay agenda. It was an innocuous, objective announcement about DADT being repealed. Attached to the link I wrote, “Glad this day finally came.” For me, DADT was always about discrimination. However, it turns out that for many people at The Grove, DADT was NOT a form of discrimination, but ONLY a declaration of being “pro homosexuality” and “actively promoting the gay agenda.” Anyways, I went to bed after posting the link and evidently overnight it amassed quite the ugliness in the comment section from people at my church. Some people were even calling for my job, or threatening to leave the church, because of my post. I got to work the next morning and was asked to take it down by my boss. So I did. Figuring that was the end of it, I was surprised that night to learn that the Chair of the Elder Board was calling for an emergency board meeting for Friday morning to deal with me and with what happened. At that meeting I was forced to tell the entire Elder Board my position on Homosexuality. Now, keep in mind, The Grove has no official position (or unofficial, for that matter) on this issue. I was never asked about it when I was hired, nor during the 5 years of my employment. We never talked about it as a church, it was never preached on. But I had to tell these men my thoughts on this issue. Something I’d only previously shared with my wife and with two of our dear friends. Not even my family knew. So, after sharing with the Board my position on sexuality (and sharing briefly about my journey in how I arrived at that conviction, and how I understood the Bible on the issue), and after imploring them to consider how I’d served them faithfully and in love for 5 years, they asked me to not come to church that Sunday, nor return to the office until they figured out what to do. I was called in the following Tuesday, just one week after it all started, and was fired.

I’ve written a bit about that story already, here, here and here. But overall I have avoided the subject. I have not been, and am not still, interested in publicly bashing or criticizing my former church and its leadership. I don’t want to stir up trouble and be divisive (contrary to what some may think :)

And The Truth Shall Set You Free

This past year has allowed LGBTQ folk to, for the first time, serve their country with ALL of themselves. They have been given the freedom and the dignity to be honest about who they are with their fellow servicemembers and it has resulted in more authentic relationships and a military community that can now walk the walk of integrity.

Open gays and lesbians alike have discovered a newfound freedom in their ability to live out truth in the arena they hold most dear.

Similarly, this past year has allowed ME to, for the first time, serve the Church will ALL of myself. I have the freedom to be honest about what I believe regarding sexuality and faith. About the heart of God towards all God’s children. About what the Way of Jesus looks like and doesn’t look like. And about what I believe the Bible says and does not say about homosexuality and other more “liberal” (gasp!) issues. And it has resulted in more authentic relationships in my life as well as a more fuller sense of dignity and integrity for me.

I have discovered a newfound freedom in my ability to live out truth in the arena I hold most dear.

From The Grove to Missiongathering

I have been the Pastor of Worship and Arts at Missiongathering Christian Church in San Diego for just over four months now, and it has been thrilling to do ministry with these folks. I love being here, my wife loves being here, my kids love being here. I feel for the first time that I can truly be me, and if you’ve ever been a pastor or been in the ministry then you KNOW what a gift that is. It’s a gift that I don’t think too many pastors have. It’s a gift I do not want to take for granted.

My time at The Grove was amazing. It was an incredible 5 years of growth, maturation, and spiritual transformation for me. I really became a Pastor while at The Grove. I met awesome people and made lifetime friends. Truly I believe God did some phenomenal things through me and to me while I served there.

But it always felt a bit lacking for me because I had to hide much of who I was. I couldn’t be open and share my doubts about things, or my beliefs on some issues. I lived in constant fear of being “found out” by some of the more conservative families in the church who took it upon themselves to monitor me (especially my Facebook world).

So in some ways I suppose I am grateful that I was fired from The Grove over my theological position on homosexuality, for out of it God has brought me to a place that is a much better fit.

For those of you who don’t know, here is the (brief) rundown of what happened after I was fired and how I wound up at Missiongathering.

  • Sept 20th, 2011: Posted on FB about DADT Repeal
  • Sept 27th: Fired from The Grove
  • Sept 28th: Had coffee with Worship Pastor friend from another church in Chandler. After hearing what happened to me, he said, “you should connect with an old buddy of mine named Alex Roller. He is openly gay and is a pastor at a church in San Diego called Missiongathering.”
  • Sept 29th: Received a Facebook message from an old friend who also happens to be the daughter of one of the Board Members who fired me. In it she said, “I’m wondering if you’d like me to connect you with someone I know. He’s on the Board of Invisible Children, where I work, and he is openly gay and pastors a church in San Diego called Missiongathering.”  (At this point, I probably should have seen the writing on the wall, right?! But I didn’t reply to her and ask to connect with Rich until 12 days after this.)
  • Oct 11th: Received an email from Rich McCullen, Lead Pastor at Missiongathering, who had been told of my plight via the aforementioned friend. In it he offered to bring me and my family out to SD the following week for a conference they were hosting called Soularize.
  • Oct 14th: The infamous John Shore blog blew up. I anonymously emailed a part of my story, about being fired, to progressive blogger John Shore. With my permission he published my story, completely anonymously, wherein I share about how I was fired over my position on homosexuality. I received incredible support from John and his readers, who all were a great source of encouragement to me and my wife during some very hard times. However, at the end of my story, John added some of his own commentary, using quite the colorful language (as is his way ;) saying not the most flattering things about the leaders at The Grove. [sidenote: the current version of the blog, as I linked to above, is the 3rd revision of his comments. His first version was the most, well, colorful. Then when I emailed him and asked him if he could be, well, less colorful, he edited it. And then about a month afterwards I noticed that he went back and did sort of a hybrid of version one and two]. This blog post went viral and somehow landed in the laptops of Grove leaders. For reasons unknown to me I was accused of being the one to say the negative things about the church and its leaders. Which, if you read it, you can clearly see was not the case. As a result, I was immediately threatened with having my severance package revoked, as well as other consequences. These were dark, dark days.
  • Oct 18th: Drove out to San Diego to meet Rich and attend Soularize.
  • Oct 19th: My family and I had lunch with Rich at Chevy’s. After the second basket of chips and salsa arrived, Rich turns to me and says, “Okay, so tell me, what will it take to get you to come out and join us at Missiongathering?” Me: “What?! You just met me yesterday, I was just fired 3 weeks ago, and you’re offering me a JOB?!” Rich: “I’ve read your blog, watched your music videos, listened to your sermons… and I just have a sense about this. I believe God wants you in San Diego.”
  • Oct 20th: We leave San Diego with two new friends, Rich and Alex, who also happen to be our first gay friends ever. We also leave committing to keep the lines of communication open on the possibility of moving to San Diego.
  • Nov 2nd: Life in AZ became unbearable as lies were told, misinformation abounded, and people just generally didn’t leave us alone. So, after filling the moving truck and piling up the mini van, we hopped on the road and moved back to Oregon.
  • Early Dec: Rich and I kept in touch, semi-sort-of moving the conversation forward about moving to SD. However, my wife was feeling pretty adamant that we were not moving away from Oregon again. We wanted to be with family. We wanted to be back in Oregon. Kate said, “if Missiongathering were here in Oregon then I’d say LET’S DO IT in a heartbeat!”
  • Dec 21st: Huck Brenneman Martin was born. Best. Day. Ever.
  • Jan 1st: I shaved my Depression Beard and began looking for a job. A non-church job, specifically.
  • Feb 1st: One month down, lots of good interviews and leads, but zero jobs. Also, this is the last month of our severance package. After February we had to live off of our tax returns.
  • Feb 12th: Receive a random Voicemail from James Leinhard, Executive Director at Missiongathering. After introducing himself, he leaves a message asking if we were still considering moving to San Diego and joining Missiongathering. At this point, Rich and I hadn’t spoken in weeks. And also, Kate and I hadn’t talked about it in over two months, because I knew how she felt about it. I forgot to call him back… so…
  • Feb 14th: I get a text from Rich that says, “Call James back, or our friendship is over ;) ” I laugh, turn to Kate, and show her the text. She says, “who is James? And what did he call about?” I mention the voicemail and how I needed to call him back and tell him they can take me off their list because we were staying in Oregon. She says back, “well hold on, don’t make that call yet…” *cue record scratching* She continues by saying that she had had several sleeplessness nights as of late, thinking about Missiongathering and Rich and San Diego. Thinking about how I couldn’t find a job, and how even if I did get a job it would be a non-pastor job. And that thought was really bumming both of us out. We talked all afternoon about “what if San Diego.” Finally, we decided that if we were going to say “no,” then it had to be the best educated “no.” So I called James back and asked if they would fly us down for a weekend so we could meet people, visit the church, check things out, and see if there was any possibility there.
  • March 11th: We visit Missiongathering Christian Church and I guest-lead worship on Sunday morning.
  • March 12th: We know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Missiongathering is the right place for us. It turns out there DOES exist a church where they are “conservative” in regards to a commitment to Jesus, worship, church and the Bible, but “progressive” in regards to sexuality, social issues, justice, love, mercy, etc. It is a crazy unheard of blend of the two. And it is the exact same strange mix that I am made up of. Not only that, but the people are amazing. The Elders are wonderful. The staff was truly a blessing. We couldn’t imagine a better person to work for and with than Rich. We had found our new home.
  • March 2oth: Reality sets in as we learn how much it costs for a family of 6 to live in Southern California. The church had no money in the budget for us, so they had to go about trying to raise the funds to hire us. We almost thought it wasn’t going to happen.
  • March 21st: Kate and I decide that making decisions based solely on money sucks. We weren’t going to pass up the opportunity to join MG just because of money. So, we commit to figuring out a way, and we officially accept the job!
  • May 4th: Seven and a half months after being fired we roll in to Sunny San Diego, happy to be home. Excited for a new adventure. Thrilled to be living out the Kingdom of God.

Things I Want People to Know

If you’re still reading this then let me end by offering a few thoughts that I hope people who were involved in my story over this past year will take the time to listen to.

  1. I still love and miss many people from The Grove – I know that my sudden removal made it very difficult and awkward for pretty much everybody, and as a result it didn’t allow for any sort of goodbyes or affirmations of love. But I still value and cherish many of the friendships I made in my 5 years there. Perhaps they won’t ever be the same because I know many of you supported my firing and agreed that my theological position on homosexuality was sufficient grounds for letting me go. And I know that others of you have been given bad information about me and about what happened, causing you to perhaps distance yourself from me or not care about reaching out. Nonetheless, my inbox is always open should anyone ever want to ask any questions or engage in any dialogue.
  2. I am sorry for the hurt and confusion I caused – I knew I was an outsider at The Grove, but for years I did my best to try and fit in. To try and find common ground and do ministry out of that place. But I realize that I didn’t always succeed in that, and there were times when I stepped in to territory that was not safe for me to step in. This caused people to get angry, nervous, scared, and hurt. And I’m sorry for that. I never meant to affect people in this way. It is in my nature to at times play devil’s advocate, or to stir up discussion, or to throw out things that make people stop and think twice. And I was not more sensitive to my environment on several occasions. Certainly I never meant to be divisive, but I realized that simply being myself was in and of itself a divisive reality, because certain ideas and beliefs I had (about much more than just homosexuality) were feared and unwanted.
  3. I did not reject a “Plan of Restoration” – From the moment I was fired Kate and I decided to try our best to take the Path of Peace. We didn’t do it perfectly, of course, but we knew that one major piece of that path would be to NOT put our story out there. To not try and rally support, or argue whatever “story” the church decided to put out. We moved forward deciding that we would only tell people what happened if they came and asked us personally. It was hard, for sure, especially when the misinformation started to abound. The thing that probably hurt the most was when I found out that people at the church (many of whom were my closest friends) were told that I was offered a Plan of Restoration from the Church Leadership, one that could have resulted in my staying on as a Pastor at The Grove, but that I refused to accept it. And this simply did not happen. I was never offered the Plan. I was asked on the Sunday night of that week if I would be willing to listen to a Plan of Restoration (which would have involved things like apologizing to people, not leading from the platform for a while, possibly meeting with a Bible Professor on this issue, etc) and I told them yes. I would be willing to hear that out. Two days later, on Tuesday, I was called to the church for a meeting that I was told would involve the Board laying out for me the Plan of Restoration that they came up with. However, when I got to church that afternoon, there was no meeting. Instead it was my termination. At the time it didn’t seem to matter much that they never offered any such Plan. They went a different route entirely, that of letting me go. Which is fine. But to then find out that some went on to tell people that I rejected a Plan (that I was never even given) was completely demoralizing. So, if you’re reading this and that was the impression you’ve been under for this past year, that I was too stubborn or unwilling to submit to authority, then you’ve been given bad information. I am sorry.
  4. I wish The Grove, and the people in it, well – There is still so much about The Grove that I love and believe in. They are doing incredible things for God’s Kingdom. It breaks my heart that the leadership is so adamantly opposed to all things gay, but that doesn’t make them bad people. Just good people with bad theology. And I’m not angry or mad at those who fired me, I’m angry at the theological system that forces people to make such moves. They are entrenched in a system that fears diversity of thought, that isn’t open to different interpretations on issues like this, and that believes in “protecting” the people from false teachers like myself (though I clearly never talked about this issue, let alone taught about it!). I am excited for their next phase in their Building Campaign. I’m excited for the work they do in Africa and Haiti and Mexico, and in their own backyard communities. It does sadden me that so many people still attend The Grove who know what happened to me, and who feel just as strongly about homosexuality, but I understand it. I understand how there isn’t really any other church like The Grove in that area. And so I get it that people who, after initially leaving The Grove because of the church leadership’s anti-gay stance, have now returned. It’s hard for me, but I get it. It’s a good church filled with good people. (sidenote: if you’re at The Grove and you’re reading this and you’re looking for another church, one that is more open and loving towards all people, then I strongly recommend Jacob’s Well. Check it out).

One Year Down, One to Go

Over the past year I’ve spoken with many people about what happened to me at The Grove. How I was treated. The heartache. The disappointment. The breaking of trust and relationships. And almost every time I share it with someone who has walked a similar journey they tell me, “it takes at least two years before you really start to fully heal and move on.”

I thought that seemed like a really long time. But now, after having made it through year one, I’ll be thrilled if I only have one more year of this!

It’s crazy how what happened to me last year still has power over me. Sometimes in ways I least expect it. I find myself scared to speak up here at church, for fear that I’ll be outcast again. I find myself insecure when I disagree with another pastor about something, for fear that they’ll no longer like me or respect my opinion. And though I feel completely safe to share all my beliefs, even if they’re a tad crazy, I still do so with great hesitancy.

But make no mistake about it, I could not ask for a better place to serve, pastor, and work through my healing than at Missiongathering. And I couldn’t ask for a better group of fellow staff people to help me get back on my feet than Rich, Alex, James and Jill. Kate and I are in a good, very good place, where we are loved, valued, and accepted just as we are.

Go ahead, ask me about it.

I’ll gladly tell.

Alex, Rich, and I in North Carolina

James, Huck and I at Fall Retreat

When in San Diego, act like a San Diegan

Our lil’ family in the group shop for Fall Retreat

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Where’s the “Progressive-Leaning” Worship Music?

Worship Music Has Gotten Better, Yes

So I’ve been leading worship in the Evangelical Church world for 13 years now, and during that span I’ve seen quite the growth in the world of “worship music.”

In the days of youth group worship, we regularly parodied old rock songs and made them about Jesus, such as:

(Sweet home up in Heaven / where the skies are so blue / sweet home up in heaven / Lord, I’m coming home to you)  -Sweet Home Alabama

(I feel like praisin’ you… / I feel like praisin’ you… / I feel like giving praise to you!)  -I Feel Like Making Love #wtf

(And then I saw God’s grace / now I’m a believer / without a trace / of doubt in my mind / I’ve been loved / oooooo.. I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave him, if I tried)  -I’m a Believer

Then, thankfully, the Vineyard movement hit and that gave us some simple choruses that we could easily repeat over and over and over for eight minutes straight, and really whip people up in to the spirit.

Chris Tomlin hit the scene and started to write accesible pop music tunes that were easy to sing, easy to play, and spread like wildfire.

Then the “rock” scene within Christendom got wind of how much money could be made, ahem, sorry, excuse me, er, um, how much WORSHIP of GOD could be facilitated by giving and “edge” to the worship music. Thanks to bands like Sonicflood, Delirious, Skillet, Hillsong United and Kutless, we discovered that Jesus loves a good distortion pedal.

More recently, like in the past 3-5 years, I think we have FINALLY begun to see some really GOOD music being made for corporate worship. Music that is not just attempts to recreate what the “secular” world is doing. Music that is interesting, engaging, and challenging. I’m thinking of artists like Gungor, Jesus Culture, John Mark McMillan, Mike Crawford and All Sons and Daughters. Maybe to a lesser extant, but still in this category, you could add David Crowder Band and Leeland.

(sidenote: wow, after typing all that out, I notice an EXTREME lack of female artists. Is that just ME and my lack of exposure? Are we not hearing from our female musicians? Ugh… I need to figure that out. Waaaay to much masculinity going on here.)

So all this to say, “worship music” has come a long way, and I for one am grateful.

But What About Us Progressive Peeps?

But here’s my question: Where is the music being written for corporate worship that has a more progressive theological bent?

I, and many others like me, are moving away from a type of conservative, evangelical, western Christianity. But it is within that framework that virtually ALL of our worship music has been written. All the themes, language, and theology of the songs are, for the most part, indicative of a very narrow brand of Christianity. And I, and others like me, have been forced to sort of sing some of these songs with a bit of cringe. A sort of, “okay, well, I’ll SING this, but I won’t really like it.”

Sometimes I end up changing a word here, a line there.
Other times I just won’t do a song that every other church in the country is doing, because I just don’t want my people singing THAT. Getting THAT idea stuck in their head all week.

And it’s frustrating.
It’s hard enough to find music that is qualitatively GOOD and artistic and interesting, but now to also try and find ones that have the type of theological thrust to it that fits more within our faith community? Pfsh… good luck.

And furthermore, consider how LONG it took for the music scene to get from “crappy cover songs where we put in the word JESUS,” to “wow, that’s actually some really good music.” Probably like 40 years!

So if we are JUST now starting to move in a New Kind of Christianity type of direction, following Christ in to newly discovered (read: always been there, just not been realized) ways of being in the Kingdom, then do we have to wait another 40 years for really good church music, too?

I did a Google search yesterday on “progressive Christian worship music,” and sure, there is stuff out there. There are people writing songs with great lyrics and theology, but, um, it’s really not very good music. Just being honest. They sound like the campy folk songs of the 70′s and 80′s.

For instance, here’s a website dedicated to gathering resources for progressive christian artists. Really? PCAN is what you want to be called? #underwhelming

Here’s a guy who’s done some great philosophical writing on what exactly IS progressive worship music, but check out his website. And listen to some of the music. #underwhelming

Check out this video of one artist who’s name shows up a lot in lists of “progressive worship music” people. #sigh

Guh.

See what I mean?

Speaking of ‘mean,’ I’m not trying to be. Really. I genuinely want people to use their gifts, to make art, to DO the hard work of writing music.

And I’m sure the above people/resources are exactly what many people want and need. I’m just looking for something more. Something different.

Something like a Gungor, or Jesus Culture, or Civil Wars, or even Crowder, but with theology and lyrics that I can sing with full conviction and honesty and truth.

If you’re reading this and you’re similar to me (more bent towards a progressive type of theology) and you’ve stumbled across some artists that are making really good music with really good lyrics, can you please direct me?

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The Bible is Tricky; Love Shouldn’t Be

(This is the 4th and final post on my series: Why I Write/Post So Much About the “Gay” Issue. Thank you for taking the time to better understand where I’m coming from and why. Make sure to check out Part I: Gay Balloons and Star Wars Legos, Part II: Speaking of Jesus…, and Part III: And Yet it Moves)

THE BIBLE IS A TRICKY BUSINESS

If you think the Bible is easy to understand, you probably haven’t read it.

If you think that historically Christians have basically gotten pretty close to agreeing on how to interpret the Bible, you probably haven’t studied much church history.

If you think that historically Christians have, more or less, not been majorly wrong on some pretty significant issues, then you probably haven’t been paying attention.

At the risk of offending your intelligence right at the beginning, I want to make sure we are not naïve about something. Or, as it likely could be, ignorant.

The Bible is a complex compilation of literature that ranges in different styles; from historical narrative, to poetry, to metaphor, and everything in between. It was composed by humans over the span of possibly a couple thousand years and written in many different cultures and contexts. It was not written in English, so our English copies are a translation of Greek manuscripts (a dead language) which was either trying to translate Hebrew manuscripts (also a dead language) or it was the written recording of the spoken word in Aramaic (also, you guessed it, a dead language). Translators, for the most part, have done their best over the centuries to help the people in their historical context to understand the words written hundreds/thousands of years ago. It’s a tricky business, and we’d be kidding ourselves if we didn’t think that sometimes people’s biases (theology?) influenced their choice on which English words to use to translate the Greek that recorded the Aramaic that translated the Hebrew.

Furthermore, as if the translation process itself weren’t difficult enough, virtually no two people in history have ever agreed completely on how to interpret every single word/phrase/sentence/verse/passage/chapter/book of the Bible. Followers of Christ have splintered in to thousands of different variations of what it means to be a “Christian.” New ideas and altered interpretations pop up in the scholarly world all the time. The church of 100 years ago would barely recognize the church of today. The church of 200 years ago would barely recognize the church of 100 years ago. And so on. As a result, if you study Church History, you will discover that the Church has been wrong so many times on such major issues that even the drunk old uncle at the family reunion would blush. Just to name a few (in no particular order): polygamy, patriarchy, slavery, witch hunting, astronomy, Inquisition, Nazi Germany, American Colonialism (i.e. Native American genocide), more slavery, various predictions of the End Times, denying women rights, denying colored people rights, beating our children, more slavery, etc, etc, etc. Yes, I realize some of these “misfires” are from what you might call “fringe groups.” But most of them are not. Most of them come from the majority position. And most of them are a result of misunderstanding, misinterpreting, and misapplying the words of the Bible.

It is a tricky business, Bible reading/interpreting, and millions upon millions upon millions of men, women and children have suffered throughout human history as a result of God-fearing Christians missing the point. Don’t ever think, for one second, that you or I are immune to missing the point. That you or I are immune to misunderstanding, misinterpreting, and misapplying the words of the Bible. None of us are. This is serious, serious (and tricky) business, and SO MUCH IS ON THE LINE.

If you read yesterdays post (And Yet it Moves) then you know that I would add to the above list: “homosexuality.” Millions of us are convinced that the church has misunderstood, misinterpreted and misapplied the Bible when it comes to sexuality and same-sex attraction. And as a result, millions upon millions upon millions of men, women and children have suffered throughout human history.

So why do I write/talk about this issue so much?

Because I think we’ve been wrong long enough.

HOMOSEXUALITY IN THE BIBLE

Many of you have followed my series called UnClobber: The Bible and Homosexuality. Frustratingly I paused that series as we picked up and moved to San Diego and I have not yet gone back and finished it. But I promise within the next month that will happen. For those of you who haven’t read it yet, UnClobber is my effort to go passage by passage through the texts in the Bible that have been used to formulate the position that any expression of same-sex attraction is a sin. Or, to put it simply, that “homosexuality is a sin.”

The bottom line is that this simply is not true.

The Bible does not communicate this message.

We have erred on this just as we have on slavery. Just as we have on astronomy. Just as we have on segregation. Etc, etc, etc.

I won’t try and summarize my thoughts on the Bible and homosexuality here. You’ll have to come back for UnClobber. But I do want to share one insight from the Bible as I close up this series. (For this insight, I am indebted to Matthew Vines and his incredible 1 hour and 7 minute talk on the Bible and Homosexuality. Definitely worth your time.)

TO BE, OR NOT TO BE (Alone, that is)

If you are Christian and still think being gay is a ‘choice’ then I’m here to tell you that you are in the minority position within your own clan. Most conservative Christians have moved or are moving away from that position because it has repeatedly been demonstrated to be false. The prominent position nowadays within the conservative Christian world is this: if you are gay then you are called to be celibate. Just being gay is not a sin, but any expression of gay love is.

In other words, if you are gay then we invite you to be alone.

It is now your cross to bear.

All people are born with certain pre-dispositions to certain sinful behaviors. Our calling is to learn to live in a way that does not give in to those temptations. (I saw this clip from John Piper about homosexuality. After cleaning the vomit off my keyboard I realized this summarizes pretty well the ‘conservative’ position).

Of course, no decent Christian would put it so bluntly (“if you are gay then you are called to be alone”). They would probably point out how a relationship with Jesus can fill that lonely-shaped-hole, or how friendship and Christian fellowship can help us not be lonely, and so on. And all of that is true… sort of.

But check this out.

Although it’s not technically a clobber passage, many people will point to Genesis chapter 2 (and a hyper-literal interpretation to boot) as foundational evidence that heterosexuality is the only God-blessed union. Here’s the perennial nail in the coffin:

21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

And there you have it. God’s design is for one man and one woman. Clear and simple.

However, when was the last time you backed up a few verses and reminded yourself of why God created the woman for the man?

15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will certainly die.” 18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

Did you catch that?

Man had relationship with God. But still, God said “it is not good for the man to be alone.” So God set about to make a suitable helper for him.

After making a community of creatures for the man, the man still felt alone. None of them were suitable helpers for him. And at that point is when God makes a woman, who is a suitable helper for the man.

Man was alone. In spite of a relationship with God and other creatures. Man was alone.

And God said, “this is NOT good. Many other things have I created lately, and I’ve called them all very good. But this? This loneliness? This emptiness? This lack of relational connectedness I’ve discovered now exists within the pinnacle of my creation? It ain’t good. I got more work to do!”

God himself was not okay with man being alone.

But this is precisely the message that so many in the church say to those in the LGBT community: “Since you are attracted to someone of the same sex, and since that is not a “Biblical suitable helper” for you, then you need to remain celibate. You need to remain alone.”

See the irony?

The church stays hyper-focused on “a man will leave father and mother and be united with his wife” to the detriment of the fact that this relational environment was instituted precisely because it is not good for a person to BE ALONE.

Some would even suggest that a gay person learn to live with (and marry?) a person of the opposite sex. Be a homosexual that lives out a heterosexual life. But I ask you, is that a “suitable helper” for them?

Why do I write about and talk about these issues so much?

Because the Bible has been used for too long to suppress and oppress our LGBT brothers and sisters. It has been used to fabricate an anti-gay theology. It has been misunderstood and misinterpreted and misapplied to the homosexual community. Not only have we ripped the clobber passages out of their historical, cultural and textual contexts (and endured terrible English translations of some words), we have also missed the beautiful thread of relational love that was sewn in to the fabric of what it means to be human: it is not good to be alone, thus saith the Lord. (sidenote: some people throughout history have sensed a special call to celibacy. Nuns, priests, missionaries, etc. This is a unique calling that we dare not impose upon someone else and force them to manifest or try and convince themselves that it is true. Heck, Paul even wrote that “it is better to marry than burn with passion,” but once again we say to our LGBT brothers and sisters, “you CANNOT marry, sorry, you must burn with passion.”)

As a result of my convictions and conclusions about what the Bible says and doesn’t say regarding human sexuality, I am compelled to be a part of sharing the good news of God’s grace and love for all.

THEY’RE REAL, PEOPLE

When I first met Rich, my very dear friend/pastor/boss, and told him my story of how I was fired over my views on sexuality, he asked me this question: “so who is it?”

“Who is what?” I replied.

“Who in your family came out as gay? A brother? Cousin?”

“No one,” I said in return. “I have no gay family members or friends, that I know of.”

He went on to tell me how unusual that is. Most straight folk like myself who experience a transformation in their theological and ideological positions on this issue do so as a result of having to reconcile with the fact that someone close to them has come out of the closet. But that wasn’t the case for me. My path of transformation was not launched by the discovery that someone close to me was gay. Embarrassingly, I had no experience with the gay community and had no gay friends. Instead, it was through prayer, study, contemplation, and being open to God’s guiding Spirit that led me through the years it took for my head and heart to change.

But now? Now I know gay people. Now I have gay friends.

And guess what…

They are REAL PEOPLE, people.

With real stories. Real families. Real passions and loves. Real interests. Real gifts and talents. Real likes and dislikes. Real jobs and real lives.

They are not simply abstract concepts that we can discuss in our ivory towers. That we can pretend to know more about who they are and what they want and what they need than they do.

When you sit and listen to someone share with you how their own family rejected them and kicked them out of the house because they came out of the closet, your heart simultaneously breaks a little and grows a bit bigger.

When you sit and listen to someone tell you about the years they spent running from anything and everything that is good, and wasting their lives on destructive behavior, because they bottled up so much for so long and then fought the most extreme identity crisis you could imagine, your heart breaks a little and grows a bit bigger.

When you have coffee with someone who has to choose between either staying in a relationship with the person they love OR staying a part of their own family, your heart breaks a little and grows a bit bigger.

When you break bread with two women who have been in a loving, committed, monogamous relationship for 20 years and watch them love each other in the same exact way you love your own spouse, but they CAN’T call each other “spouse,” your heart breaks a little and grows a bit bigger.

You want to know why I write so much about this? Why I talk about it, post about it, focus on these issues?

Because my heart has broken too many times, and because it’s also grown three times its size.

After my theological/sociological/philosophical/political transformation was complete, but before I met all my friends in the LGBT community, I was convinced the issues and the theology was worth fighting for.

Now that I’ve met, loved, and befriended the real people behind these issues, I am convinced THEY are worth fighting for.

Yes, the work of the Bible is certainly tricky business.
But the work of Love? That should be far less tricky.

Paul wrote these words to the Philippian church, “in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” 2:3,4

Why do I write/talk so much about these issues?

Because I’m tired of looking out for my own interests. I’m a selfish person and Lord knows I’ve done plenty of that in my life thus far.

These are my friends. And they, along with countless others, have experienced enough pain, marginalization, shame, guilt and fear. It’s time that I, and you as well, start looking out for THEIR interests.

IN SUMMARY

Well, I’d like to thank you for spending this week with me. Reading as I share from my head and heart some of the reasons why so much of my online presence has been consumed with the “gay” issue over these past 9 months.

A quick recap:

Why do I write/talk so much about the “gay” issue?

  • Because, practically speaking, this is the first time in my life I’ve been “allowed” to do so. That’s a lot of bottled up energy!
  • Because I’ve discovered I’m passionate about it. And just like you, when I’m passionate about something it tends to be more prominent in life.
  • Because my commitment to follow Jesus has taken me to this place.
  • Because I believe Jesus’ life demonstrated a posture of love, grace, and mercy for the lowest, the outcast, the marginalized.
  • Because I want future-me to be proud of present-me.
  • Because I want to be on the right side of God’s history.
  • Because I believe we’ve gotten this issue wrong as it relates to what the Bible says and doesn’t say.
  • Because I’ve met enough LGBT folk to be convinced they are REAL people, and they are worth fighting for.
  • Because my heart has broken for them, as well as grown for them.

If I may, I offer the following prayer of St Francis of Assisi as a Benediction to close this series.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.